Broccoli Fail


I am preposterously bad at broccoli.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s fresh or frozen, I cannot for the life of me get this vegetable right. For instance, I bought a whole big bag of fresh cut florets from Costco and threw them in the freezer. I figured they’d keep for as long as it would probably take me to use them – several months.

I also thought they’d be easy to prepare. Boil up a little water, maybe add some salt, throw in the broccoli and let simmer for several minutes. Poof – instant side dish!

broc2Well, not so much.

Over the course of those several months, I’ve consistently prepared some of the most inedible greens this side of the Mason-Dixon.

It’s not that they look terrible (the pictures are of actual samples of the ghastly veggies). It’s just that they are completely tough, taste terrible and stink up the house for at least two days. I’m serious! My wife could not stop gagging the last time I tried this.

In short, I need some help with broccoli. Won’t you please take part in my poll or leave a comment? You will be saving an innocent vegetable from being mangled in new and horrifying ways, and you might just contribute to the domestic peace and tranquility of yours truly.



8 responses to “Broccoli Fail

  1. NEVER BOIL Broccoli You need a basket steamer.
    Try and keep the pieces of broccoli roughly the same size.
    when the water is steaming really good put the brocolli in. Only take about 7-10 mins until almost done.
    Take the brocolli out of the pot and set aside.
    Saute garlic in olive oil in a large saute pan for about a minute, add the broccoli and toss well, season with salt and pepper to taste.
    Should be an awesome side dish, add chile flake if you like heat.

  2. As soon as I get a basket steamer and some more broccoli, I’m on this.

    Thanks for the suggestion – keep turning out that fine jerky of yours!

  3. Roasted broccoli is awesome too. Now you should never fail with broc again.
    Most veggies are great roasted.

  4. Start with fresh broccoli and get one of those cheap little collapsable steamer thingies. They work pretty well as long as you keep an eye on them and don’t let the water boil off. I’ve also had halfway decent luck with the bags that steam in the microwave. Then again, I tend to avoid brocolli with only slightly less ardor than I tend to avoid doctors’ offices (they always want to poke you with something sharp), so I may not be the best person to ask…

  5. Wow, thanks for all the help everybody! I will re-post once I vanquish my broccoli problems forever…or when I’ve given up.

  6. My girlfriend par boils the broccoli for two minutes in salted water I think. After that she shocks the veggie in ice water. We then stir fry in a hot pan or wok with a little butter, olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic. Cook no more than 5 minutes, add a dash of soy if you leave out the salt and enjoy the healthy crunchiness of great tasting broccoli. Roasting it is good too. Roasting Brussels sprouts even better!

  7. If you want to boil broccoli, buy fresh broccoli. Do as you’ve done, add some salt into the boiling water, then watch them closely as the top part turns into a slightly darker shade of green, or until you see the stalk turn into a more vivid light green. That is the cue for you to take them out!

    It rarely takes longer than 3-5 minutes depending on the size of the pieces. I like mine with a crunch so I take them out sooner. Soggy broccoli is not the way to go. Good luck 🙂

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